Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
