yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
