My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
