sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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