you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
