All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
