those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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