you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
