You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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