mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
