Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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