So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
