"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
