You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
