I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nutella sex= disaster
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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