Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
