Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
