Can Purell be used as lube?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
