is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
