wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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