you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
