the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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