Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
