he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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