she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
