Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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