Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
