i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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