I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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