Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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