Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
