my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
