at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
