i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
