Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
