too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
