I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
