you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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