If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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