His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
