everyone is single if you try hard enough
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
