I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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