when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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