All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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