remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
