dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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