Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
