When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
