last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
