I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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