the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
